well, I’ve arrived again. That wonderful place where nothing changes, I lose sight of my goals, and I mope. I’ve been trying to focus on living life, apart from dieting and restrictions, trying to use the knowledge I’ve gained over the last several months, and apparently, all I’ve gained is weight. My weight “loss” has become stagnant and plateau-y, and it makes me so frustrated. I don’t even want to go to weight watchers, because that’s a concrete sample of evidence that I’m doing shittily. So instead, I think I’ll go to Michael’s and use my 25% off coupon on some wedding stuffs. Working on wedding stuffs usually puts me in a better mood, anyway!
As they say on the biggest loser, “I’m not ready to do this on my own yet”.
I’ve made a tiny decision, one that I’m not really comfortable sharing with the world, lest I get even more upset if I fail. so, we’ll see!
In other news, I’ve joined match.com, and I really don’t think I’m ready for this yet. I had a guy email me (yay!) and we sent a few messages back and forth, but that (THAT) made me feel like everythign was moving too fast, and I was feeling so overwhelmed. I still get the daily match emails, and i browse around looking at profiles sometimes, but I’m not emotionally ready for this. I need to love me more, before I can accept the fact that someone else might be able to possibly love me someday. I guess my self-esteem is just in the shitter right now, hence all the emo tendencies. I’m not going to sugar coat it anymore, and pretend like all is well in jill-world, because it clearly is not.
but I’m pretty confident that it will be, someday. For my sake, and the sakes of those around me, I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.