so, Sara Evans put out a song, and it’s on the “Country Strong” soundtrack.
I’ve been listening to this song a lot. Lots of people can probably relate to it, and I think it’s really great for putting my emotions into words and phrases. I’ve been through a lot in the last few years. I don’t always talk about it, in fact, I hardly ever talk about it. I’ve never really been a “talker” about my feelings and what’s going on in my head/heart. Not real sure why…just never really felt comfortable doing so. Each week on BL, bob and/or Jillian take one of the contestants aside and talk with them about those head/heart feelings that may have led them to their weight gain. And every week, I try to think back and identify why. Why I am the way I am, why I feel the things I feel, why I look the way I look. I can’t really identify a moment, or event that was catastrophic or catalytic in my past. I think with me, it was more a series of unfortunate smaller things, when you look at them individually, you wouldn’t think twice.
I still don’t have a grasp on it. I don’t know what in my wiring needs changed to make my life change.
I am getting stronger. I am learning new things. I am gaining more confidence about myself, and learning to view myself in a different life. Slowly, ever so slowly, I think I’m learning to put the pieces back together. Sure, the stupidest crap still makes me cry. Sarah McSadVoice and the ASPCA can go hang themselves. And every now and then, a song on the radio gets me misty. Like, “letter to me” from Brad Paisley. Ugh.
After last week’s emo-tastic post, I’m feeling better. Stronger. between last week’s weigh in and this week’s weigh in, I’ve lost another 5.2 lbs. and that makes me feel goooooood.
*and I almost didn’t even realize that today would have been my THREE YEAR anniversary.